I’m a total asshole when it comes to this significant date. Every year I have nothing to give, and most of the time I can’t even go out. Money sucks, hence going back to school. I don’t even want to be ridiculously rich, I just wanna be able to go out on a close friends birthday and get her something special. It’s not too much to ask, is it?
Well, this year is different. I got the gifts, and I can go out. a freaking miracle! Tomorrow I hear we are off to Skyzone, which is wall to wall trampolines literally a mile away from my house. I’m super stoked, I just hope I don’t pee myself. Yeah that’s right, piss my pants. It’s what happens after 3 kids.
Second part of my title. My bestie, she’s great. She’s probably the only person other than my husband who knows me completely, and I’m most certain there are some things she knows a little better than him. Well on this July 30th it’s her 36th. Yeah we are getting old. I will never forget the first day of school at the bus stop in Medford. Walking up and being highly annoyed that a girl was in my spot waiting for the bus. In her stone washed ripped with lace underneath jeans. I did love her hair, perms were so cool back then. Of course the both of us didn’t speak to each other for months, and honestly I can’t remember whom actually started talking to whom first? My memory has failed me. The important things I definitely recall, giving her a best friend charm in front of her so to be formal best friend. Starting up a babysitting service, watch Donnie, playing on speed bumps, Riding bikes. The bug who opened her front door, going to the pool, JAMESWAY!
Here’s to you Crystal, 36 years young. Here’s to 50 more years, growing old is gonna be fun!
Week nights are veg out nights. My weekends are spent here there and everywhere. On the week nights I like to be as lazy as possible. However, I did fit in the gym today with my husband. I only ran 2 miles, not my best, but I also haven’t worked out in two weeks. In that two weeks I swear to you I’ve gained 50 lbs. Shark week didn’t help, cheetos definitely didn’t help. So now I’m here, watching t.v.. Teen wolf, Atlantis, Candidly Nicole, Naked Dating. (we will get into these shows in upcoming blogs I’m sure) At this moment A Haunting is on while I wait to watch last night’s episode of Under the Dome. The funny thing is since I’ve become and adult, nothing really has changed. I LOVE television. LOVE IT!!!!! I’m surprised I’m not 250 plus pounds.
Anywho, today I went to work after being ill. It was a pretty good day, I was tired and my hand still hurt from the cuts I received why trying to shut the freaking cabinet door in the bathroom. Sure I probably would’ve slowly closed the door instead of slamming if it wasn’t the 3rd time it opened it opened; causing me to bang my head into the corner while cleaning the floor. I never said my temper was the best. I guess I got my wish, the door will be fixed. And, by fixed I mean replaced with what Joe will call a boring door with no flare, no special touch. Well, that special touch cut my hand and now my hand hurts so fuck that door!
All in all it’s been a pretty productive day. Finally made my bed, washed my hair, swept the floor, did the liter, as I stated before got the gym in, and now it’s tube time.
Is never easy. It’s not like we don’t have practice, we start young. A day at the playground meeting new friends, Time to go Billy. A weekend at the beach….well work on Monday, Mary. That Midnight, he was a good dog…..Ghellar, Bella, I wish they would’ve lived longer.
Saying good-bye sucks. To a Parent biological or not, that is one of the worst. A person could argue that saying a goodbye to a child is the worst, and I wouldn’t argue back. I don’t know that pain and I HOPE I never do. I do know the pain of losing a parent and a parental figure. I know that pain all too well. It SUCKS, it never gets easier. We tell ourselves it does. But, if you stop and think about that person……really think about then, in a moment of weakness, looking at a photograph, a certain smell, a song, an article of clothing, hell, a fucking t.v. show. In that moment it’s not easy, there’s a break. A tear in your heart that is never mended, maybe a piece of mesh falls over it to keep from all the happiness from pouring out. But that one little tear stays with you a lifetime.
You no longer remember the fights, the nights wishing they were gone, wishing you never knew them, or even hating them. That’s all out the window. You’re left with a little hollow tear. Keep it small. Keep it hidden at times. let the tears flow.
good day to you all.
I know it hurts, the sting is not so sweet. The pain is something unfamiliar, something unimaginable. Something, you never thought could be possible. Not with our childhood, not with what happens during those times. The times you wanna, not you wish you had a different life. We did that, we have a different life. But our past is our past and it’s a part of us. For all the bad times, there were good times. Wildwood, state fairs, air fresheners, water gun wars. It’s funny how the mind and heart works isn’t it? We remember all the bad all the time and never the good until something happens. humans…..a funny thing.
I miss him, my step dad. everyday, the pain changes. It doesn’t fade, it never goes away, we just learn to live with it, not accepting but living. I can’t even think too long before the tears come. Do I have the words to ease your pain?
No, I’m sorry.
Do I have a shoulder for you to cry on, and ear for you to pour it all out into.
I can tell you something though, something I wish I did, something I wish everyday. Call, and if he won’t answer… go to him. And just know this, I love you. And the craziest thing is, he does too.
…but we are friends. I see this a lot, on facebook, at work, around town. I enjoy seeing this, it gives me hope that we aren’t so wrapped up in ourselves that we can still have open minds. We can still find that something that joins us. That the things we don’t agree on don’t hold a candle to our actual likeness. What a crazy thing, right, humans. Silly and wonderful in so many ways.
I find myself shaking my head at the people online, and in life. The ones who really want to be right. Who just can’t let go until you flip sides to theirs. I shake my head, get a little bit frustrated, then I get sad, and finally I move on. I’m not one to hold grudges, I am just not made up that way. Sure I can stay angry for sometime, but that’s not a grudge as much as a hurt. A pain that the person I let in, that I thought knew me would put me in a situation that made me feel bad, or that they would not get where I’m coming from.
But, I get over it fast, I can forgive easily, and move on. It’s in the way I’m wired I suppose, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Just thought I’d share.
Good day to you all.
With fault of none other
she sways her head
to the beat of the music
she sways her head
to the drum of her heart
she sways her head
in the heat of the moment
in her touch of life
hold on to your youth
pick up your tongue
onto the valley
run run run
she sways her head
when no one else can hear her
the voices so strong
swaying her head is all that can be done.