Week nights are veg out nights. My weekends are spent here there and everywhere. On the week nights I like to be as lazy as possible. However, I did fit in the gym today with my husband. I only ran 2 miles, not my best, but I also haven’t worked out in two weeks. In that two weeks I swear to you I’ve gained 50 lbs. Shark week didn’t help, cheetos definitely didn’t help. So now I’m here, watching t.v.. Teen wolf, Atlantis, Candidly Nicole, Naked Dating. (we will get into these shows in upcoming blogs I’m sure) At this moment A Haunting is on while I wait to watch last night’s episode of Under the Dome. The funny thing is since I’ve become and adult, nothing really has changed. I LOVE television. LOVE IT!!!!! I’m surprised I’m not 250 plus pounds.
Anywho, today I went to work after being ill. It was a pretty good day, I was tired and my hand still hurt from the cuts I received why trying to shut the freaking cabinet door in the bathroom. Sure I probably would’ve slowly closed the door instead of slamming if it wasn’t the 3rd time it opened it opened; causing me to bang my head into the corner while cleaning the floor. I never said my temper was the best. I guess I got my wish, the door will be fixed. And, by fixed I mean replaced with what Joe will call a boring door with no flare, no special touch. Well, that special touch cut my hand and now my hand hurts so fuck that door!
All in all it’s been a pretty productive day. Finally made my bed, washed my hair, swept the floor, did the liter, as I stated before got the gym in, and now it’s tube time.
Yeah I said it. Rollerblading, yeah I did it. Unfortunately, the ghetto ass rink roller blades suck for my falling arches. I am still recovering from the damage done to my ankles. I’m talking blood, through my socks! But I did it. Shout out to Sean P. for talking us into it, even though it didn’t too much. So this year for my 36th birthday there will be skating rink fun! I will be wrapping my ankles and hoping for the best.
God dammit, I’m OLD! And ya know what, I don’t want to hear any back sass from you older folks. When you turned 36 I know you were bitching about it too, so STFU and let me rant. I’m old, my bones hurt, I’m not in shape, and I’m moving closer and closer to death. That’s some scary shit getting older. Now when I work out, I have to worry about working too hard. When I get angry I have to worry about getting too angry. When I eat I have to worry about what I’m eating. Heart attack central. No one warns you of this shit when you are young, or maybe they did and I wasn’t listening. In any case, it sucks.
Thanks to my sister I decided to write again. so, as I sit here and watch girl meets world I think about how I’ve let you all down. All 3 of you that still actually read my blog. I’m not as angry as I was, maybe that makes me less passionate about writing. I’m not as depressed as I use to be, so maybe that makes my writing a little dull. But here I am….I’m back!
I’ve posted about many of topics of the years, I’ve touched on them all. Even me, my life, how I roll. Pretty sweet really, I wake up to 3 boys who fight going to school, who give me a hard time feeding the cats, who fight over well…..everything. Then I go to work, I do some art then listen to people moan on the phone. It’s glamorous I know. I come home make way more elaborate dishes than I used to get as a child, and then I veg out on the tv. Oh yeah almost forgot I go to the gym, I’m almost 36 there no way of avoiding that.
In my 35 years on this earth I’ve come to realize that life is not always exciting, life is not always daring and spectacular. Most of our days are spent in routines, tedious routines. So I blog, I read, I sign up for college to become something new. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s this: If you stay in one place too long, you get stuck, you die young, you become BORING. No thanks, that is definitely not the life for this Leo.
I know it hurts, the sting is not so sweet. The pain is something unfamiliar, something unimaginable. Something, you never thought could be possible. Not with our childhood, not with what happens during those times. The times you wanna, not you wish you had a different life. We did that, we have a different life. But our past is our past and it’s a part of us. For all the bad times, there were good times. Wildwood, state fairs, air fresheners, water gun wars. It’s funny how the mind and heart works isn’t it? We remember all the bad all the time and never the good until something happens. humans…..a funny thing.
I miss him, my step dad. everyday, the pain changes. It doesn’t fade, it never goes away, we just learn to live with it, not accepting but living. I can’t even think too long before the tears come. Do I have the words to ease your pain?
No, I’m sorry.
Do I have a shoulder for you to cry on, and ear for you to pour it all out into.
I can tell you something though, something I wish I did, something I wish everyday. Call, and if he won’t answer… go to him. And just know this, I love you. And the craziest thing is, he does too.
…but we are friends. I see this a lot, on facebook, at work, around town. I enjoy seeing this, it gives me hope that we aren’t so wrapped up in ourselves that we can still have open minds. We can still find that something that joins us. That the things we don’t agree on don’t hold a candle to our actual likeness. What a crazy thing, right, humans. Silly and wonderful in so many ways.
I find myself shaking my head at the people online, and in life. The ones who really want to be right. Who just can’t let go until you flip sides to theirs. I shake my head, get a little bit frustrated, then I get sad, and finally I move on. I’m not one to hold grudges, I am just not made up that way. Sure I can stay angry for sometime, but that’s not a grudge as much as a hurt. A pain that the person I let in, that I thought knew me would put me in a situation that made me feel bad, or that they would not get where I’m coming from.
But, I get over it fast, I can forgive easily, and move on. It’s in the way I’m wired I suppose, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Just thought I’d share.
Good day to you all.
With fault of none other
she sways her head
to the beat of the music
she sways her head
to the drum of her heart
she sways her head
in the heat of the moment
in her touch of life
hold on to your youth
pick up your tongue
onto the valley
run run run
she sways her head
when no one else can hear her
the voices so strong
swaying her head is all that can be done.