The longer i wait

The less I have to write about.  This is so true for me, I’ve been in a slump.  Sure I write poetry here and there but I don’t feel accomplished.  Sure we’ve fixed up the house, I got Legally married, and my cat died.  But I just don’t feel like writing.  I got three things right here to comment on.  I hope I’m not getting anyone’s hopes up because I’m sure this will be less than pretty good. So let’s start in order of events.

Obama is president again, thank god. I know there are two sides but my side likes to go with logic.  Is he perfect, no, is he the right man for the job, maybe not.  But, let’s be honest WHO IS?!  Sure as hell NOT Mitt Romney, that asshat needs to go away already.  Let’s look at facts, stock market is up, jobs are on the rise.  sure you may not get your dream job but suck it up buddy that’s life.  There is still God in this nation, and people are finally receiving much-needed rights.  Seems fair to me. That’s, that.

Joe and I got legally married.  As far as the both of us are concerned this was our second marriage, we did this once before on February 15 2003.  It was a great wedding, we got snowed in and ran our hotel out of booze, cigarettes and $1 bills.  Good times, this time was just as great for me if not more.  I shared it FINALLY with Crystal who was very much missed at my first, Becki who was present at my first and still willing to be there for at the drop of a hat to this day, and Jeff who couldn’t make it to our first due to the snow issue previously stated.  We had a little gather ing afterwards and my mom took the kids.  it was nothing big only a small group of friends and booze.  The day before I received a surprised mini wedding cake from Marisol (who is amazing at the art of cakes, the whole thing the taste and the decor) and Crystal came over super early to help me bake cupcakes ( she did it all herself).  All in all it was wonderful and exactly what I wanted.

We finally fixed our electric in the house, very much-needed since I don’t want to die in a house fire.  We’ve been painting and re-flooring ever since.  Owning a house is CONSTANT work, but the reward of doing said work is definitely worth it.

This is a bit out-of-order but my cat Bella died. It was awful, and it has taken a month for it to really sink in for me.  Sure I cried hysterically when it went down. But this week has been awful with remembering her, and you know how it goes  your brain churns and you think of all the things that had to be your fault for this to happen.  Yet everyone assures you there was nothing you can do.  Not that i don’t believe that I do, but my heart and my brain are at war and they are sending me mixed messages. So I sit here and think, and think, and think, and cry, and think. I miss holding her, I miss her in my lap, I miss her long soft fur, most of all I miss how much she reminded me of my old cat Ghellar.  they both died too soon and I think that is what is making this very hard.  I don’t know when I’ll get over it, I know I didn’t allow myself to grieve like Crystal told me to. I held it in like everything else and it comes out bit by bit. I’ve done this to myself, and I will pay for it for the rest of my life.  This I know, I know it will be okay, I know pets don’t live very long, and I know that her body is safely buried in my back yard with a fancy stone for me to visit.  But I want her here with me, is that too much to ask?

 

Good day to you all.

 

 

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About apocketfullofsunshine78

oh i don't know it's like a got a pocket full of sunshine and it's all mine.

2 responses to “The longer i wait”

  1. Crystal says :

    I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time dealing with the loss of Bella, but I completely understand. Look how long Nora has been gone; I am still heartbroken! I am so grateful for my time with her, though, just as I know you are with Bella, and you gave her all of your love and a pretty sweet place to live 🙂 She was a doll and we miss her, but I am so glad she had the time with you that she did, and that she got to be a part of the recent nuptials, right?

    RIP Bella ❤

  2. apocketfullofsunshine78 says :

    that’s so true, she hung around to see us finally legalize our marriage, i know it’s going to take me forever to get over her, literally, because i never will. I just get sad when i go down stairs and she’s not there, it’s like i look for her and then go oh wait….it’s awful i wish our pets could live until we die:(

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