And just like that **snap**

The days grew longer, the nights shorter, I clicked the heat off opened the windows and doors to let the air in.  It was beautiful outside, new blooms in my flower beds before the wintry end.  A sudden splash of heat in January.  I’m talking 60’s, I’m talking t-shirt weather, time for trampoline jumping, and raking out the flower beds.  This is my day, the christmas decorations all taken down causing the house to look bare.  All of this would be depressing on any other day but not today, today the birds chirped, the squirrels scampered, the neighbors were all out taking in the sun.

This is how the year should begin, all new, sunny, a sense of freedom to take on this new year.  Sure there will be heartache, heart break, and a bit of mending will be due. With every new life there will be some death, a balance is all it is. Things will break and need replacing, and money will most certainly be spent.  What’s the use of earning money to hoard it all away?  For a rainy day some say, I say enjoy life because we all don’t know how long it will last.

But something seems off, all this happiness, all this joy I would love to enjoy it but there is a part of me that feels a little….hollow. If that makes any sense, something is missing and I can’t seem to figure out what it is. Soberly I will stumble through my day trying to figure out what it is until I forget.  Then, bam, it will happen that “hollow” I was feeling will come to light and it’s never good. It’s never a happy surprise, it’s dark, unwanted, uncalled for.  I wish I could just know, ya know.  I hate surprises anyone who knows me knows this one thing. I like to be in the know, I need to see it to believe it. And maybe it’s because I didn’t have much to believe in growing up. Maybe that is why I have no faith?  Then again I’m a pretty “glass is half full” girl.

I’m really not sure where this blog is going. I just felt like this entry should be real. In all sense as real as I will ever get on here. Sure I bitch and moan about important shit, worthy blogs that the world can take something from. All writing stems from something, usually something you can’t control.  My grammar is horrid, and sometimes my rants mean absolutely nothing but I fear if I didn’t write, I’d sure go insane.  Sorry for my inconsistent blog folks, but I feel it wouldn’t be me if I did this any other way.

Good day to you!


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About apocketfullofsunshine78

oh i don't know it's like a got a pocket full of sunshine and it's all mine.

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